Wow, this has taken a while to write.

 It’s taken me nearly three weeks to finish this blog as I have had to question a lot. I have doubted myself, had to think hard, question my own ability, reasons and question if I had my own fixed mind set about how I taught.

Last year when I started giving students more independence, own timetables, group teaching rather than whole teaching it felt right. I enjoyed what I was doing and feedback from the students also showed this. Yes, it took a while to get there but in the end I think as a class we thoroughly enjoyed it. This was me trying hard to take on MLP in a single cell classroom.

This year it has been different. Although we are still single celled, we are planning as a team and working more together in twos or threes  rather than individually. So why then do I feel disjointed, lacking enthusiasm and not enjoying myself? This is quite a hard thing to admit as I have to question myself, my surroundings and where I am working. I am quite good at reflecting on my own teaching and learning. I know I can be very head strong, stubborn and see things very differently to those around me. I feel I have had to sit back and accept things, question less and go with the norm (even when I am not sure it is right). Is this how I want to teach? Is it me?

I guess this is why it has taken me a while to write this as I really do have to reflect and wonder if it could be me. I enjoy the fact that we are working as a team. I love the fact that I am not planning on my own, coming up with my own ideas and feeling a little like I am by myself. I enjoy bouncing ideas off others, listening to different ideas and views.

But I feel more constrained and restricted then I did last year.  As a school we have been encourage to change our way of teaching and work more closely as a team. To have a growth mind set and to look at things differently.

What I am wondering?

·         Are we really making a change?

·         Have we actually made a difference?

To be honest, I don’t think we have.

To me it is like a messy desk, moving things around and making piles isn’t really the same as creating a tidy desk. And I feel this is what we are doing. We have moved students around given them different teachers for different subject but have we actually really changed the way we are teaching?

The truth is no.

I have been questioning these MLE where they think giving students different teachers all the time is MLP. But is it? We are meeting the needs of your children by grouping them and they may not have their usual teacher. Isn’t this the same as streaming, groups, setting (or any other words you want to use)? Is this really MLP? What are we doing differently?

And I guess this is what I have struggled with this term as I feel this is what we are doing.

Do we really need to split all five classes up? Could I not work with the teacher next door with just my own homeroom and theirs? Teach more small groups rather than whole class? Give students the choice?

What do I want next term?

Integrate our topic so I don’t have stand-alone lessons.

Give students more of a voice.

Feel excited about teaching again.

Move Out Of Your Comfort Zone

If anyone had asked me this weekend if I wanted to continue teaching year 3/4, I would have probably said no! This weekend I have spent more time staring at a computer in-between juggling the children and my domestic goddess roles and I am knackered.

I have forgotten what it is like at this age. I love the challenge, the different relationships you have but getting my head around everything is taking longer than I thought.

I have gone from teaching Stage 7-8 maths to Stage 5 and that is a whole new concept for me. Stage 7-8 was fine for me as it was where my year 6’s (in the UK) were at so slotting back into NZ wasn’t too hard. But Stage 5 is a whole new ball game. I have had to learn strategies’ and terminology that I am not familiar with while getting my head around what they can and can't do yet. I have devoured Book 5 and asked a multitude of questions to team members. I have even scoured the internet to find the key ideas broken down so that I know exactly what knowledge and strategy's  I need to be doing. It’s also getting my head around the fact that I am working with numbers a lot smaller than I am used to.

Then there is writing. Realising that some can and can’t write. That I need to remember that they have limited vocabulary and if I’m going to use terms like ‘outrageous’ ‘cunning’ and ‘sly’ I am also going to have to explain their meanings. That when I talk about a semi colon they might not actually know what this is alongside brackets as well. Although I do love this quote I saw on Twitter the other day and something I believe in.

My head is about to explode.

But although completely drained and exhausted I can still smile. It’s nice to get out of my comfort zone and to challenge myself. I am able to tell my students that this is all new to me, that I will make mistakes but it’s ok because that is how I learn. And what is great is that they see me make these mistakes, take the risk and sometimes look completely bamboozled at situations in the classroom. But in the end they see me smile and try again and that is what counts. A teacher modelling to them that risks are part of life, mistakes do happen and we can learn from them and still feel great inside.